apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
