tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
People in love make me want to vomit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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