so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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