I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
