Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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