did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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