if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
