so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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