haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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