he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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