Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize