So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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