just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
