I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
