It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
