how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
