Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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