Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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