God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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