fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
