It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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