the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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