Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
