remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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