ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
