a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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