Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
