The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
