Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
