There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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