my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
