I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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