how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
