it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
