god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
