every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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