There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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