last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
