we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
