they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
