Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
