I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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