Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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