it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
