how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
