your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
