hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
