Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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