you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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