just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
