i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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