So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In America we eat man semen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
