Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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