Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Your dad touched me again.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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