Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
