This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
