just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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