I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
