i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
