Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
