All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
