CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
