I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
