If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
