I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
