After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
