just tell him i said nine months
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
