my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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