I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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