I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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